Goal Setting – Heart vs Ego
How many times have you set goals or New Year’s resolutions and not achieved them?
How did you feel when you looked back at the goal or someone reminded you of them at a later date?
You may have also set goals and been so determined to see them through that you lost balance in other areas of your life (cutting off friends, not spending time with children, or taking your partner for granted, for example).
This can, and often does, produce results in the short-term but I’m not convinced this is a good long-term strategy for goal achievement and health and vitality.
I’ve Been There Too
Seeing the frustration of clients going through these cycles, and having also experienced this frustration myself, I looked for alternatives.
I went and attended a workshop with JP Sears of “Awaken with JP – Inner Healing Coach”.
During the workshop, he said something about goals that was transformational for me. He said, when considering your goals, it’s a healthy emotional practice to ask yourself, “what’s the story under the story of your goal.”
You might have a goal to lose weight and get rid of chronic back pain. On the surface this is a very literal statement but it actually symbolises something much deeper in your psyche.
To look under this literal statement, I could ask you something as simple as, “what does this mean to you?”
To which you might reply, “it means I’d feel better about myself and free to move”.
Going yet deeper and asking what that means gets even closer to the core of why you might set that goal in the first place.
To which you might say, “to feel better about myself means I’d have more confidence and to feel free to move, means I’d feel unleashed”.
Now you’re really getting somewhere!
It might be useful, in this scenario, to identify where you feel tied down and lacking in confidence in your life.
It’s important, when talking about goals, to not only see the benefits they might bring, but also to see the potential drawbacks of what achieving the goal might feel like.
Why would you do that?
Investigating the potential drawbacks – something which might seem a strange thing to do – you open yourself to see parts of your psyche that could be gaining benefit from you not achieving your goals currently and therefore acting like a handbrake to achieving them.
Something a little different this week. But would you be willing to at least consider that the heart speaks a different language to the head, especially in relation to goal achievement? The head wants to achieve but the heart wants to connect more deeply with oneself.